Mind games are subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) manipulations designed to confuse, control, or undermine someone. People often play mind games due to insecurity, a desire for control, or as a defence mechanism. Recognising these tactics is the first step to protecting yourself and maintaining your emotional wellbeing. Here are 15 common mind games, why people use them, and how to handle them.
1. Gaslighting
What It Is: Making you doubt your reality or perceptions.
Why It Happens: To gain control by eroding your confidence.
What to Do: Trust your instincts, document incidents, and seek outside validation from trusted friends or a therapist.
2. Silent Treatment
What It Is: Ignoring you to punish or manipulate you.
Why It Happens: To make you feel anxious or guilty.
What to Do: Don’t beg for attention. Give them space, and calmly communicate your need for respect.
3. Guilt-Tripping
What It Is: Making you feel guilty to get their way.
Why It Happens: To control your behaviour by leveraging guilt.
What to Do: Recognise when guilt is being used as a weapon, and ask yourself if the guilt is justified.
4. Playing the Victim
What It Is: Always casting themselves as the victim, even when they’re at fault.
Why It Happens: To avoid accountability and gain sympathy.
What to Do: Acknowledge the facts, not the narrative. Don’t take on responsibility that isn’t yours.
5. Passive-Aggressiveness
What It Is: Expressing hostility indirectly (e.g., sarcasm, backhanded compliments).
Why It Happens: To express anger without confrontation.
What to Do: Call it out calmly and ask for honest communication.
6. Triangulation
What It Is: Using a third party to manipulate you or create jealousy.
Why It Happens: To feel powerful or provoke insecurity.
What to Do: Refuse to play along. Set boundaries and focus on direct communication.
7. Withholding Information
What It Is: Deliberately keeping you in the dark to maintain control.
Why It Happens: To keep you dependent or uncertain.
What to Do: Demand transparency and be clear about your need for open communication.
8. Love-Bombing
What It Is: Overwhelming you with affection, only to withdraw it later.
Why It Happens: To gain quick control over your emotions.
What to Do: Take things slow and watch for consistency in their behaviour.
9. Shifting Blame
What It Is: Refusing to take responsibility and blaming you instead.
Why It Happens: To protect their ego or avoid accountability.
What to Do: Stick to the facts and don’t accept blame that isn’t yours.
10. Stonewalling
What It Is: Refusing to engage in conversation or address issues.
Why It Happens: To avoid difficult discussions or punish you.
What to Do: Set a time to revisit the conversation when emotions are calmer.
11. Negging
What It Is: Giving subtle insults disguised as compliments to lower your confidence.
Why It Happens: To make you seek their approval.
What to Do: Recognise the tactic and call it out. Confidence is your best defence.
12. Future-Faking
What It Is: Making big promises about the future to manipulate the present.
Why It Happens: To keep you hooked without real commitment.
What to Do: Watch for actions, not words. Don’t let promises distract you from reality.
13. Deliberate Forgetting
What It Is: Claiming to “forget” commitments or agreements.
Why It Happens: To avoid accountability or frustrate you.
What to Do: Keep a record of important agreements and confront the pattern directly.
14. Sabotage
What It Is: Undermining your efforts or goals subtly.
Why It Happens: Out of jealousy or a need to feel superior.
What to Do: Identify the sabotage and distance yourself if necessary.
15. Hot and Cold Behaviour
What It Is: Being warm and affectionate one moment, then distant the next.
Why It Happens: To keep you off-balance and seeking their approval.
What to Do: Recognise the inconsistency and demand respect and consistency.
Why People Play Mind Games
- Insecurity: They lack confidence and use manipulation to feel in control.
- Desire for Power: They get satisfaction from controlling others.
- Emotional Defences: They use these tactics to protect themselves from vulnerability.
- Learned Behaviour: Some people learned manipulative habits from past experiences or upbringing.
How to Protect Yourself
- Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, it probably is.
- Stay Calm: Don’t let them see you emotionally unravel.
- Set Boundaries: Be clear on what behaviour you will not tolerate.
- Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for perspective and validation.
- Focus on Self-Care: Prioritise your mental and emotional health.
Final Thoughts
Mind games can damage your confidence and emotional wellbeing if you let them. Recognising these tactics and understanding why people use them is the first step in protecting yourself. By staying self-aware, setting firm boundaries, and leaning on your support network, you can navigate these challenges with confidence and resilience.
